Life Part Two

The adventures of Fay and Bob as they move beyond the 9 to 5 life

Explaining the South

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A REFRESHER COURSE ON THE SOUTH FOR MY YANKEES FRIENDS.
LOVE AND MISS YOU.  Thanks Brenda H. for passing this along to me.

Southern FOLKS know their summer weather report:
Humidity
Humidity
Humidity
Southern FOLKS know their vacation spots:
The beach
The rivuh
The creek
Southern WOMEN know everybody’s first name:
Honey
Darlin’
Shugah

Southern WOMEN know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind

Southern FOLKS know their religions:
Baptist
Methodist
Football

Southern FOLKS know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Chawl’stn
S’vanah
Foat Wuth
N’awlins
Addlanna

Southern WOMEN know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler

Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don’t “HAVE” them,  you “PITCH” them.
 
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up “a mess.”

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of “yonder.”

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long “directly” is, as in:
“Going to town, be back directly.”
(“Dreckly” in my family)

Even Southern babies know that “Gimme some sugar” is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

All Southerners know exactly when “by and by” is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad.
If the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin’!

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between “right near” and
“a right fer piece.” They also know that “just down the road” can be 1 mile or 20.

Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol’ boy, and po’ white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A Southerner knows that “fixin” can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, …. and when we’re “in line”, we talk to everybody!

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they’re related, even if only by marriage.

In the South, y’all is singular, all y’all is plural.

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, biscuits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

When you hear someone say, “Well, I caught myself lookin’,” you know you are in the presence of a genuine
Southerner!

Only true Southerners say “sweet tea” and “sweet milk.” Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it — we do not like our tea unsweetened. “Sweet milk” means you don’t want buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway.
You just say,”Bless her heart”… and go your own way.

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning, bless your heart!

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff……bless your hearts, I hear they’re fixin’ to have classes on Southernness as a second language!

Author: Fay

Follow the adventures of Fay and Bob, 65 plus, as they explore the country to look for a new home, sell their MN home, finally move and get settled into a new state and town.

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